Aaaargh ... Blackbeard must be dancin' a jig in hottest Hell. The old buccaneer must be splitting with pride to see the latter-day sons of the Jolly Roger thumbing their noses at every navy on God's blue seas. But what in the Name of Heaven, in the age of geo-positioning, laser-guided weaponry and satellite surveilance are we doing with pirates running amok on the high seas?
Good Lord, where's Errol Flynn when we need him. Across the globe nations, ours among them, dispatch submarines armed to destroy continents, carriers loaded with an air force apiece, cruise missiles, and the toughest, best trained fighting men on earth -- and all this might is helpless against a handful of ill-tempered swashbucklers armed with a stolen motorboat and nothing to lose.
And you know, it's hard not to have a grudging admiration for men who have the nerve to go out and steal a supertanker -- oil and all. Talk about the ultimate gas drive-off. And the thought of the Saudis and the world's shipping magnates literally dropping gunny sacks of cash from hovering helicopters to keep their captains and crews from walking the plank has a real David and Goliath-ness to it.
Pirates -- your kid can take a wrong turn and end up another Henry Morgan or Calico Jack Rackham, a Mary Read or Anne Bonney. Avast, me hearties and shiver me timbers -- there be pirates afloat and the king can't catch 'em.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Friday, November 14, 2008
No bail out for the MoTown dinos
I don't have to go any farther than the office parking lot for all the reason I need to tell the Big Three automakers "go fish." Parked in its usual spot is my 1998 Metro -- a car the likes of which our domestic car companies didn't see fit to sell after 2001.
Because I'm cheap, I bought it used five or six years ago. There's no mistaking it for a Mercedes, but it's yet to fail to start, and other than a blower switch I haven't done any thing but routine maintenance - plus tires and light bulbs to keep it on the road. It compares well with Gayle's '97 Prizm which is about to roll 200,000 miles and has yet to have a wrench on the engine. They haven't made those for years either.
Oh, and did I mention if I don't get better than 35 mpg on a road trip from either of them it's entirely due to a heavy, heavy foot. A really nice feature a couple of months ago when gas was better than double what it's costing me today ... and it will be a really nice feature in the very near future when we're back to paying that price again and more.
But for years Detroit hasn't seen fit to put solid little cars on the American market -- though anywhere beyond North America solid little cars are about all there are to see. Instead they marketed dinosaurs -- big, inefficient, expensive and, for them, profitable -- as long as they were selling. Trouble is, when it cost a Franklin to fill the tank and the tank needed filling twice a week -- the shine came off that Detroit steel and folks, not always being as dumb as we look, looked around and bought a Hyundai.
Now Ford, GM and Chrysler want Unka Sugar to dig deep and save their bacon ... sort of like he did for AIG and the Wall Street bankers who forgot how to add, subtract, and figure simple interest. Unfortunately, there are thousands of ordinary folks whose jobs are on the line here -- and it's not fair to folks who just build 'em to suffer because the hotshots in the corner office have proven themselves no brighter than sea cucumbers.
So, let me suggest Congress tells the guys from Detroit to go back to MoTown, clean out there desks, turn in their keys and put in for third shift closers at the nearest Mac & Don -- then put in a call to Honda, Hyundai, Toyota and VW to make them an offer their not likely to refuse -- with cash-back financing to boot.
Because I'm cheap, I bought it used five or six years ago. There's no mistaking it for a Mercedes, but it's yet to fail to start, and other than a blower switch I haven't done any thing but routine maintenance - plus tires and light bulbs to keep it on the road. It compares well with Gayle's '97 Prizm which is about to roll 200,000 miles and has yet to have a wrench on the engine. They haven't made those for years either.
Oh, and did I mention if I don't get better than 35 mpg on a road trip from either of them it's entirely due to a heavy, heavy foot. A really nice feature a couple of months ago when gas was better than double what it's costing me today ... and it will be a really nice feature in the very near future when we're back to paying that price again and more.
But for years Detroit hasn't seen fit to put solid little cars on the American market -- though anywhere beyond North America solid little cars are about all there are to see. Instead they marketed dinosaurs -- big, inefficient, expensive and, for them, profitable -- as long as they were selling. Trouble is, when it cost a Franklin to fill the tank and the tank needed filling twice a week -- the shine came off that Detroit steel and folks, not always being as dumb as we look, looked around and bought a Hyundai.
Now Ford, GM and Chrysler want Unka Sugar to dig deep and save their bacon ... sort of like he did for AIG and the Wall Street bankers who forgot how to add, subtract, and figure simple interest. Unfortunately, there are thousands of ordinary folks whose jobs are on the line here -- and it's not fair to folks who just build 'em to suffer because the hotshots in the corner office have proven themselves no brighter than sea cucumbers.
So, let me suggest Congress tells the guys from Detroit to go back to MoTown, clean out there desks, turn in their keys and put in for third shift closers at the nearest Mac & Don -- then put in a call to Honda, Hyundai, Toyota and VW to make them an offer their not likely to refuse -- with cash-back financing to boot.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
What if we just have enough stuff?
The hand-wringers were working overtime again last week. Now it seems that Americans aren't hitting the stores hard enough to keep the Chinese gizmo factories humming and some are even daring to suggest they might only spend what they can afford on Christmas gifts this season. All of this, of course, is the latest harbinger of economic collapse to spoil the day of any American not in the Marine Corps, in prison or so spectacularly wealthy they don't have to worry about their next three hots and a cot are coming from. Of course, this bad news comes hot on the heels of the dire warnings that Americans were drowning in debt, couldn't get credit and the whole tottering economic edifice was about to collapse because we just couldn't exercise any self control at the checkout counter.
Y'know -- y'just can't please some people.
Now I realize that for decades millions of us have lived up to the consumer mantra: When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping -- and Americans have always made it a point to prove to the world that nobody's tougher than us. Through the years we've dutifully bought stuff and bought stuff -- putting up ever bigger houses complete with multiple car garages (with the multiple cars parked on the driveway) to hold it all. We just kept on hauling it home and stacking it up and now, I suspect, more and more of us are confronted with a reverse Mother Hubbard -- far from being bare, the cupboard doors barely close. After a half century buying binge -- might it just be that a whole lot of us have enough stuff and might just use all this recession talk as an excuse not to add on yet another room to hold another holiday's worth of gifts we'd really rather not get?
And if enough is finally enough, does that mean the inevitable collapse of commerce? Well, not necessarily. While a lot of us can't find room for one more thing, there are a whole lot of people elsewhere in the world who'd have no trouble finding room to walk into their walk-in closet -- if they only had a house to put a closet into. If we have enough stuff, maybe we could let them have some -- there are some long Christmas lists out there.
Y'know -- y'just can't please some people.
Now I realize that for decades millions of us have lived up to the consumer mantra: When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping -- and Americans have always made it a point to prove to the world that nobody's tougher than us. Through the years we've dutifully bought stuff and bought stuff -- putting up ever bigger houses complete with multiple car garages (with the multiple cars parked on the driveway) to hold it all. We just kept on hauling it home and stacking it up and now, I suspect, more and more of us are confronted with a reverse Mother Hubbard -- far from being bare, the cupboard doors barely close. After a half century buying binge -- might it just be that a whole lot of us have enough stuff and might just use all this recession talk as an excuse not to add on yet another room to hold another holiday's worth of gifts we'd really rather not get?
And if enough is finally enough, does that mean the inevitable collapse of commerce? Well, not necessarily. While a lot of us can't find room for one more thing, there are a whole lot of people elsewhere in the world who'd have no trouble finding room to walk into their walk-in closet -- if they only had a house to put a closet into. If we have enough stuff, maybe we could let them have some -- there are some long Christmas lists out there.
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